Mom Is Livid After Discovering Mother-in-Law Told Her 11-Year-Old Daughter That College Isn’t a ‘Realistic’ Goal

A mom is furious after finding out that her mother-in-law told her 11-year-old daughter that college isn’t a “realistic” goal.

The woman explained on the community forum Mumsnet that her daughter was “upset” after recently spending a weekend with her grandparents.

She said that her daughter proceeded to tell her that she had told her grandmother that she wanted to be an occupational therapist some day.

The grandmother then told the pre-teen that she does not have the academic “ability” — and to set her sights on something more realistic. 

The original poster (OP) admitted that her daughter did not perform well on her recent national exams. She explained that there were “huge health” issues that have impacted her primary education.

“She is now able to attend school more, and is in a great school with great results for children who need a smaller environment but are academic,” she added.

The OP said that she spoke to her mother-in-law about the incident, and the older woman told her that she believed the OP was “misleading” the child and should encourage her to want to do something that’s “realistic and not a pipe dream.”

However, the OP said she simply does not agree with her mother-in-law’s assessment of her daughter’s capabilities.

“She’s 11. She’s a tough cookie, and in my opinion extremely smart!” the woman said at the end of her post.

The vast majority of commenters agreed that they thought the woman’s mother-in-law was out of line.

“That is outrageous,” one person said about the mother-in-law’s actions. “[My daughter] wouldn’t be going back there again if that was me.”

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“Unless your mother-in-law is a university admissions tutor she knows the sum total of diddly-squat about the matter. I’d be cutting contact if I were you. Maybe every other X-mas and significant birthdays,” agreed someone else.

Another person said, “That is so mean. Imagine writing an 11-year-old off like that, and to her face!?! […]  I wouldn’t send my daughter back to [my] mother-in-law’s unsupervised.”

One person, however, played devil’s advocate and suggested that the OP take a moment to consider whether there might be any truth to the mother-in-law’s comment.

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“While it wasn’t her grandmother’s place to speak so harshly to your daughter, might she actually have a point? You say she has had issues with her health — has this impacted her attendance significantly, meaning she has missed lots of learning?”

They added, “If that’s the case, what steps have been taken to close those gaps? […] If she has a desire to go to college (and to be an OT, which is a very academic degree) look at what needs to be put in place now to make that wish a real possibility.”