Man Says Fiancée’s Tribute Tattoo of His Late Brother Makes Him Deeply Uncomfortable, Says She Barely Knew Him

A man asks the Reddit community for advice after telling his fiancée that a tattoo she got of his late brother makes him uncomfortable. He explains in his post that his brother passed away three years ago in a motorcycle accident, and the loss still weighs heavily on him.

“For context, my older brother, 30M while I’m 29M, passed away three years ago in a motorcycle accident,” he writes. “This f—– me up severely (Still does). He was my best friend and we have been inseparable since we knew each other.”

He shares that his fiancée, whom he calls Bella, only met his brother a few times before his death. Still, she often expressed admiration for the closeness between the two siblings, since she does not have strong bonds with her own step-siblings.

Then, out of nowhere, Bella surprised the OP (original poster) with a large tattoo in memory of his brother. “It’s this pretty f—— big, realistic gray scale tattoo of his face with a little Snoopy icon beside it on her upper arm, with his nickname we use, and his birth AND death dates underneath,” he explains.

The man admits he was stunned when he saw it. “She said she did it as a tribute to him and to support me bc she knows how much I still struggle with grief,” he writes, adding that at first he didn’t know what to say.

But as time passed, his feelings shifted. “The more I sat with it, the more it bothered me,” he shares. “I told her (gently, as much as I could tbh) that I appreciated the gesture but found the tattoo really uncomfortable.”

He tries to explain that it feels unsettling to see his brother’s face permanently etched on his fiancée’s body. “Like it’s too much, especially since they barely knew each other??” he questions.

His fiancée, however, did not take it well. “She got upset and said I was being weird about a nice gesture and making her regret doing something beautiful, her words,” he writes.

Now, the tension has grown between them. He says, “Now I’m stuck with a fiancée that won’t even talk to me properly, and my brother’s perfectly black and grey eyes staring at me when I’m laying beside her.”

The man admits the situation has affected their intimacy as well. “And honestly I don’t even want to think of how horrifying having sex would be with that on her arm,” he says.

Even his mother has weighed in, urging him to see it as a loving tribute. “My mom thinks I should just be thankful someone loved my brother enough to memorialize him,” he explains. “But first off, I didn’t ASK her to do this!”

Since the argument, Bella has started covering the tattoo more often. “Ever since my reaction she has been wearing longer sleeved shirts in the day time,” he says. “It’s only during bed time that I really see it with her wearing tanks and it physically hurts lol.”

One commenter suggests he may need to consider the bigger picture. They write, “I don’t think you should ask her to have it removed or covered up—she’ll say you’re controlling. I do think you should consider if this is the type of person you want to be in a relationship with at all. I’d break up with her if it were me.”

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The man admits that the thought has crossed his mind. “I did want to initially ask her to remove it entirely, laser it off, but this is making me doubt it,” he responds.

At the same time, he wonders if her reaction could become a breaking point in their relationship. “On the other hand, if she does throw those accusations on me, I feel like I’ll have sufficient grounds to call off the engagement and ask for a break,” he shares.

Despite the pain, he emphasizes how much he loves her and doesn’t want to take the wrong step. “Purely because I’ve known and loved this woman for so damn long and I don’t want to take the wrong action whatsoever,” he writes.