Man Says He Doesn’t Want to Marry Girlfriend of 10 Years Because She’s ‘Bad with Money’

A man says he doesn’t want to legally marry his long-term girlfriend because of her questionable financial views.

The 29-year-old detailed his story on a Reddit post titled “[Am I the A——] for not wanting to legally marry my GF of 10 years because she is bad with money?”

In his post, the man shared that he and his 28-year-old girlfriend have been together for a decade, though they currently live separately because he is pursuing an out-of-state Ph.D. program.

“I do love her and want to have a family with her,” he added.

The problem?

The man said that he has a good deal of student loans, and he won’t start earning money for at least four more years. He says his girlfriend, however, “makes 60K a year and lives with her parents, so the only expense she has is food.”

Despite their different financial situation, the OP (original poster) said that his girlfriend still expects him to pay for dinner and dates when he comes back to their hometown to see her, which can mean an overall expense of $500 to $1,000 per visit. 

He said that when he recently told her that he can’t realistically afford to pay for everything when they spend time together, she “proceeded to get mad and claim I don’t prioritize her.”

The OP went on to say that he recently told his girlfriend that while he would be happy to marry her in a purely religious ceremony, he doesn’t think he can ever be tied to her in a court of law given their differing attitudes around money.

“It just seems like a dumb choice to financially bind myself to someone [who] acts like they have no financial sense,” he added.

The vast majority of commenters said that they thought the OP should seriously reconsider whether he wants this woman in his life long term.

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“I’m a woman, and I would run very far away from this woman. Save yourself a divorce,” one person said.

“A good relationship should be a partnership where both people bring something to the partnership. OP’s [girlfriend] is making this relationship transactional. A good partner would at least offer to do cheap dates and split the cost,” said someone else.

Another person said, “She’s prioritizing stupid and obsolete societal norms over her relationship with him and his own well-being. She’s a gold digger even though she’s the one holding the gold.”

Someone else noted that while the OP’s feelings are valid, he also isn’t necessarily being fair to his partner.

They said. “[It’s] not fair to keep her around if you don’t see marriage in the future. You’re wasting both of your prime dating years. Cut bait and find someone who more aligns with your economic values. For her sake and yours.”