Hayley Kiyoko Explains Why She Never Dreamed of Getting Married amid Wedding Planning with Fiancée Becca Tilley

Hayley Kiyoko never dreamed about marriage.

The actress and singer, 34, grew up feeling as though she didn’t have “space” to fantasize about marrying another woman, she explained on the Nov. 5 episode of the Zach Sang Show.

“I grew up not being able to get married,” the “Girls Like Girls” singer said. “So I’m not dreaming about a wedding; I’m not dreaming about being proposed to, because, legally, I couldn’t get married until 2015.”

On the music podcast, the former Disney star highlighted joyful queer narratives while promoting her new novel, Where There’s Room for Us. She also discussed her relationship with two-time Bachelor contestant Becca Tilley, following the pair’s engagement on July 10.

Kiyoko said it’s been an “interesting journey” falling in love with Tilley and finally being able to think about what her engagement, wedding and rings might look like. In the past, she said, dreaming about those milestones “always came with lots of complications and hardship.”

Much of her artistic work centers around LGBTQ+ advocacy. She told Sang that the it was important for queer people to not just take up space but thrive in it “against the adversities.”

“The LGBTQIA+ community is going through a lot of hardship right now, and has always faced adversity,” she said. “So, how do we find queer joy? How do we find moments of realizing a happy ending isn’t black and white?”

Growing up, Kiyoko said, wanting to feel loved motivated her in various aspects of her life.

“When I was emo Hayley, at 16, I was like ‘nobody gets me, and I’m gay, and nobody understands,'” the New York Times bestselling author said. “What’s motivated me is that I just wanted to feel loved, from predominantly myself, but I think also others, and I just wanted to feel worthy.”

She discussed the cult following of her 2011 film Lemonade Mouth, of which Sang said he was a fan. Kiyoko noted parallels between her character’s personality and her own, at a time when she was coming into her queer identity.

“You’re lesbian Jesus,” Sang said.

“That’s what they call me,” Kiyoko responded in an exchange on the podcast.

While on the podcast, Kiyoko also offered humorous insight into her summer proposal to fiancé Tilley, 37, in Mallorca after seven years of dating.

She hoped a beach recommendation from a friend would fulfill her vision of a private proposal during peak tourist season and a heatwave. After the intimate gesture and “yes” from Tilley, Kiyoko shared that she looked around only to notice it was a nude beach, and naked men surrounded them.

“I don’t have a lot of experience in that department, so I was getting a lot of education,” Kiyoko joked, noting that she was “respectful.”

Kiyoko did not share details on their wedding plans on the show, which aligns with the couple’s pattern of announcing milestones after the fact rather than before. In a March interview with Us Weekly, the couple shared that they enjoy doing things in their relationship “at our own pace.”

Fans of the couple will still have plenty to look forward to. The author highlighted her desire to share the “hopeful queer content” she wished for growing up.

“Seeing two girls falling in love and making out at the end was just not something that I was exposed to,” she said. “My queer content was, like, The Real World.”