Grieving Wife Wants to Travel to Hawaii, but Her Husband Doesn’t Think It’s ‘Fair’ for Her to Go Alone

When fertility treatments fail, it can feel like the world stops moving while everyone else carries on. 

Following a failed in vitro fertilization (IVF) attempt, one Reddit user recently shared that they’re struggling to find a way to cope, emotionally and physically. 

“I’ve been dealing with things since April and finally gave up,” the Reddit user revealed in a post.

With three weeks of unused PTO left, her friends living in Hawaii invited her to visit and stay for a week — a gesture of care that has now sparked an unexpected conflict at home.

The Reddit user explained that her spouse “doesn’t think it’s fair since he doesn’t have time off to go,” noting that he already used his single week of paid leave as a staycation. 

The situation, however, isn’t about taking a glamorous getaway but finding time to breathe again after heartbreak. 

“I have 3 weeks of PTO left to use for the rest of the year,” she wrote, adding that the trip would be simple and affordable: “I want to go as cheap as possible.”

“If he joins me then it would cause us to get a hotel, probably a rental car and increase our expenses,” she explained.

But behind the logistics lies something deeper — the challenge of balancing personal healing while being in a partnership like marriage. 

A number of Reddit users in the comments made sure to reassure the original poster that her feelings were valid and to remind her that there was no rule keeping her from going on a trip without her spouse.

“I have a deep dislike for the ‘I won’t, so you can’t either’ folks,” one user wrote. “Your spouse is allowed to have a life outside you!!”

Another wrote: “A good partner would support you doing something for your mental health, and it doesn’t sound like he’s sad he’s missing out (since he doesn’t want a trip like this) but rather he just doesn’t want you to have a nice time if he can’t?”

“If so, your memories of the trip might last longer than the relationship,” they warned.

Some commenters, however, sided with the original poster’s husband, noting that: “Hawaii is a pretty big trip and on a lot of people’s bucket lists. While he may not be big on travel, Hawaii is not just any destination.”

“If I was in your spouse’s position, I’d be pretty upset and pissed that my partner is going to Hawaii without me,” they added.