Woman’s Daughter Invited to ‘Disruptive’ Classmate’s Party. When She Hears No Other Kids Are Going, She’s ‘Torn’ on Making Her Go

When a woman’s daughter is invited to her classmate’s birthday party, she’s not sure she should force her to go.

The original poster (OP) shared their story on Reddit and explained that this year, a new girl named Emilia joined her daughter’s school. OP said that Emilia has been an issue all year and has been “very disruptive” in classes.

Around Halloween, the school had a problem with her stealing people’s food at lunch. OP’s daughter was involved and received an apology from Emilia. Overall, OP said her daughter, who is in fifth grade, is “not the biggest fan” of Emilia.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer​​, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.  

Recently, Emilia sent out invitations for her birthday party and OP’s daughter was invited. When they got the letter, her daughter let her know she didn’t want to attend the party. OP said that while she thinks her daughter is old enough to make that decision for herself, she later learned that no one else is going to attend Emilia’s party.

Now, OP feels “torn” about whether or not she should make her daughter go to the party. On one hand, her daughter is telling her she doesn’t want to be there but on the other, OP said it would be the kinder thing to do to attend.

In her comments, many agreed that it was okay for OP’s daughter to skip the party.

“It’s okay for your daughter to have autonomy over choosing whether or not to attend a party,” one person wrote. “It’s important, however, to teach your daughter to give her regrets early so the family of her classmate can plan accordingly.”

“NAH. I understand the urge to want your daughter to go because this girl is going to feel ostracized and I think it’s important for all children to feel accepted even if they are different,” said another person.

“However, I also understand your daughter’s perspective. The girl has exhibited behavior that is unacceptable and, it sounds like, she doesn’t respect other people’s boundaries,” they continued. “The problem with forcing your daughter to go means disregarding her discomfort and her autonomy (which she is just learning to explore).”

“It’s a bit of a no-win situation. Not forcing her to go means hurting the other girl, forcing her to go means teaching your daughter that her own comfort should be subjugated to make someone else happy.”

A third person said that if OP feels like her daughter is old enough to make a decision about the party, then she’s old enough to have a conversation with her about it.

“I think if your daughter is old enough to decide, she’s also old enough to have a conversation with you about it,” they said. “You could explain why you think it might be a good idea for her to go (without talking poorly about Emilia or any other kids) while still letting her decide herself.”

“Personally, I would explain that sometimes kids are different in environments outside of school, and seeing her at a birthday party might be different,” they continued. “Maybe explain that you’re unsure of how many other kids will attend, and it would make Emilia happy if she did, but if she chooses not to go, that’s okay too.”

PEOPLE reached out to the original poster for comment, but did not immediately hear back.