Woman Feels ‘Slighted’ After Cousin Demotes Her from Bridesmaid to Her ‘Something Blue.’ Now She’s Considering Skipping the Wedding

Navigating family expectations during weddings can be hard. 

A 29-year-old woman shared on Reddit that she’s debating whether or not to attend her cousin’s wedding after being snubbed as a bridesmaid.

“I am a ‘something blue’ to my cousin for her upcoming May wedding,” she wrote, explaining that “being someone’s ‘something blue’ is a modern wedding tradition where a person is asked to wear blue as a symbolic role, often in place of or in addition to a traditional bridal party.”

“This person, or ‘something blue crew,’ is honored with a special role in the wedding, such as getting ready with the couple or participating in photos, but typically without the official duties or obligations of a bridesmaid or groomsman,” she added.

Despite being given the role, she is “considering not attending for a few reasons,” but knows her absence would “end up becoming an issue” between her and the bride, so she turned to Reddit for advice.

She explained that her cousin had always insisted she would be in her wedding party, but then, after getting engaged, all of a sudden decided that the poster “was not part of the ‘aesthetic’ to be a bridesmaid.”

However, now that she has lost 100 lbs., the bride feels she is “more pleasing on the eyes to be part of the day,” the user wrote.

The woman noted that the wedding is also quite far away, and would either require a 10-hour drive or a shorter flight plus a two-hour drive to get there. The hotel is also 45 minutes from the reception space, and she would need accommodations back at home for her dog.

Additionally, the poster also took a pay cut after getting a new job, so she is “financially more strapped than usual.”

Lastly, she is newly single “and didn’t receive a plus one but other family did.”

“I love love. And I’m really glad she’s marrying this guy, he’s way better suited than her previous partners. And I do want to celebrate them,” she wrote. “But at the same time, I still feel slighted.”

“Was told you’ll be a bridesmaid bc I was the only one who supported this relationship at the start. I’m still overweight but way healthier so I still don’t feel I’m good enough essentially for her,” she continued.

Plus, she doesn’t “enjoy traveling with people” and would prefer to spend her money on something like “solo camping,” noting that this trip would “be a lot of money, time and effort” for something she doesn’t even know “will be enjoyable.”

People in the comments section urged the woman not to attend the wedding.

“You’re not skipping a wedding, you’re dodging a financial and emotional hostage situation. If attending requires a 10-hour drive, a dog sitter, emotional gymnastics and pretending you weren’t excluded for years, it’s not a ‘wedding,’ it’s a bill with vows. Go camping and let everyone else romanticize the chaos without you,” one person wrote. 

“If you’re not at the wedding party, you definitely don’t have to be there. Tell your cousin that the new job has you strapped financially (which is true) and send a nice gift,” another person wrote.