Amy Duggar King Says Growing Up in an Abusive Household ‘Absolutely’ Shaped Her as a Parent Today (Exclusive)

Amy Duggar King is sharing that certain experiences in her past have directly influenced her as a parent.

The 19 Kids and Counting alum, 39, spoke with PEOPLE about her debut memoir Holy Disruptor, out Oct. 14, and discussed learning that her grandfather, Jimmy Lee Duggar, was abusive and that measures were taken to protect her when she stayed at her grandparents’ house.

Duggar King shared that going through that experience “absolutely” influenced the way she parents her 5-year-old son Daxton “Dax” Ryan, whom she shares with husband Dillon King.

“It absolutely did. I had examples, I feel like, of what I didn’t want to be,” Duggar King explained. “So I really wanted to take what I experienced, and I wanted to like, ‘What is the opposite of it?’ But also, ‘How can I do it differently?'”

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“I saw my cousins all being homeschooled and it was rigorous. It was scheduled, it was blocked time. It was very much like that way,” she recalled. “And I thought, ‘How can I do things differently? I would love to spend more time with [Dax]. Obviously, he can go to school if he wants. But if he wants to stay home and do homeschool with me, how can I make it different?'”

She went on to say that she’d take the “good parts” of her childhood and make it her own for her son.

“And I feel like that’s what I’m doing in every aspect of my life. I saw how kids were spoken to, I saw how kids were treated, I saw all of that, and I’m like, ‘Hey, let’s do things differently,'” Duggar King said. “And so I’m just taking the good parts that I remember and adding to it.”

“So we don’t spank in our house. We have a very gentle parenting approach as far as if he does something wrong, we sit him down, we talk to him, we are like, ‘Hey, this is what’s wrong. Here’s why. Do you have any questions?'”

Duggar King also said she’ll be honest with her son and tell him that this is also the first time she’s been a mom, just like it’s the first time he’s been a little boy. She explains to her son that they’re a team.

“And so I tell him, I’m like, ‘Hey, you either can obey and do things right, and I can help you along the way, or you can choose not to obey,’ ” she said. “‘But there’s consequences for that.’ And he’s like, ‘Oh.’ He’s 5, so he’s learning, but it’s so fun. I love being a parent with everything in me. I love it.”

Elsewhere in the interview, Duggar King spoke about learning that her grandfather was abusive after his passing.

“I honestly did not know why until my mom and I spoke after he passed away,” she shared. “But I obviously assumed. I always had assumptions as to why, but it was never spoken about. It was a little difficult, but I’m one of those people that when I was little, I asked questions, sure. But if something was told to me, I just believed it.”

“I was very naive, and I’m a kid, so I was like, ‘Okay,'” she continued. “I knew grandpa couldn’t go to the trampoline with me. I knew grandpa couldn’t sit and watch a movie with me. I knew grandpa couldn’t be in a car with me. I knew grandpa couldn’t take me to school. There were so many things, and I just knew that that’s how it was.”

As a protective measure, her now-deceased grandmother would ensure Amy’s childhood bedroom door was locked each night. “Every single night,” she said. “My mom would check on me as well. It was like this protective tent over me, if you will, that was not going to let a bug in.”

Holy Disruptor: Shattering the Shiny Facade While Getting Louder with the Truth is out on Tuesday, Oct. 14, and is available for preorder now, wherever books are sold.

If you or someone you know has been a victim of sexual abuse, text “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 to be connected to a certified crisis counselor.